I Must be a Masochist - A Playwright's Burnout Journal

Entry # 2
Maybe They're Just Not That Into Me

​I think every playwright has heard a few sayings when it comes to submissions and rejections.
“Rejection is just protection.”
“It’s not a ‘no,’ it’s a ‘not yet.’”
“You were rejected from this so you could achieve another…”
​“It’s a game of numbers, the more you enter, the more your odds go up.”

My favorite: “Just keep submitting – every year – so, they get to know you through your drafts and variety of plays. They will start to recognize your name and watch your writing grow.” This piece of advice is something I have in fact given to students and other playwrights.
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I truly believed it, or at least I wanted to. But, how do you know when it’s okay to keep believing and when to just face reality that maybe they're just not that into you?

I wanted this to be so desperately true. As long as you keep submitting – every year – to that theatre, to that competition, to that festival whenever their calls for submissions opened, that one day, an acceptance would come. A literary manager would see my name -  every year -  and say something like, “Wow, here she is again!” or “Geez, she seems really dedicated, what a great work ethic.” Or, “Another new play! Her writing is definitely progressing, I bet we could help her take the next step.”

Let me tell you what actually happened to me...

Every year I applied to The Hub.
Every year I applied with a new play.
I applied with visceral, provocative plays. I applied with wholesome plays that reeked of optimism. I applied with experimental plays.
And every year, I got the same rejection.
 
I took The Hub up on their offer to receive feedback on my application, which by the way, is no small feat to complete. The application – every year – requires an artistic statement, letter of intent, two recommendations, resume, bio, and I might be forgetting something…or yeah, your actual play.

Every year, their feedback would come in the form of:

THE HUB: Loved your work…just didn’t see how our resources could help you with what you outlined in your letter of intent.

ME: Okay, I will adjust my letter of intent to be more specific.

THE HUB: Loved your work and great application! Just didn’t see how this particular play you submitted speaks to what you described in your artistic statement.

ME: Okay, I will rewrite my artistic statement and make sure it relates to my submitted play.

On and on and on. But then, this happened…
 
THE HUB: You had such a strong application and truly your work was well received and loved by the readers across the board. It was very close. You were right at the finish line. There isn’t any more helpful criticism we can provide because everyone agreed the play and the application represented a strong candidate that would be an excellent fit IF we had more space.
 
ME (Internally): What the fuck do I do with that?

I did what I always do…I submitted again. I figured a strong application and a well-liked play might make it in this time. After all, it is “a game of numbers,” right?
 
As of 2022, I received another, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

What am I missing? What am I not saying? What am I saying too much of (is that a thing?) What balance am I not striking? What is The Hub looking for, exactly? Do they want someone with a following? With multiple productions? With the “right” recommender? With the “right” work with the “right” workshops and affiliations that are just as prestigious as them?
 
This is the bigger question…should I just quit (submitting to them?)

Honestly, the time and effort put into their applications, finding different recommenders - every year - I could put that energy into a different playwriting submission somewhere else.
 
I’m really curious, is there ever a time you realized that it isn’t a “not yet.” That it isn’t “a game of numbers.” That it isn’t anything we were told? That maybe they’re just not that into you and you really should take the hint and move on.