I Must be a Masochist - A Playwright's Burnout Journal

Entry # 1
​Stats 

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I began my playwriting “submission mission” back in 2016. I had always submitted to playwriting festivals here and there in the past, but in 2016 I had the confidence, the training, the body of work, and the resources to start becoming a professional play-submitter. 

Six years later, I stare at my submission tracker that is filled with over 300 play submission opportunities. I use a color coding system that helps me track how many submissions I’m waiting to hear back from (yellow,) I was accepted (green,) how many I advanced in - like a semi-finalist (blue,) and how many I was flat-out rejected from (red).

Red absolutely covers my screen. The next prominent color is unfortunately, yellow and no, they aren’t “fresh” submissions. It's simply because the theatre festival never replied or updated me on my status. After about a year of no response, I consider it a rejection and move on. On average, I have about a 71% rejection rate to date (August 5, 2022.) 

Optimism VS. Realism

71%. There are probably optimists out there who look at that and say, “It’s not 100%!” but unfortunately, I’m worse than an optimist…I’m a realist. My acceptance rate is about 8%. The rest are covered in yellow with bits of blue.  If I faced an 71% rejection rate and only an 8% acceptance or success rate at my survival job (day-job,) meaning 71% of my requests for professional development, promotions, pay raises, benefits, work/life balance, etc are rejected…I would quit that job.

No. No Thanks. Nope. Nah. Hell No. 

In fact, I have quit jobs like that and moved on to better opportunities that were more fulfilling or at least helped me pay my bills on time. So, why do I stay in this position where close to three-quarters of the time I hear the word, “no?” The truth is, I don’t know why I keep coming back. Why do I keep on this “submission mission” when every rejection only makes that number grow and that 71% gets heavier and heavier. I feel like I'm rolling a boulder up a hill, but I’ll never reach the top.
 
You want to know what makes that boulder even heavier? I’m not the only one. Think about that 71% and increase that exponentially. This isn’t meant to guilt trip anyone who gets accepted, or wins an award, or makes it to the final round (seriously, congrats!) But the reason I’m sharing this is because that’s all we ever hear about. We only hear about the wins. The highlights. Including from me. Of course it is important to celebrate the wins. They’re amazing! But it’s so important to remember we are all carrying boulders. Maybe if we shared those boulders, they wouldn’t be so heavy.